living through a label

I know that animal cruelty is wrong.

I know that ranking your taste buds as more important than an animal's life is selfish.

I know the negative impact that animal agriculture is having on the environment.

I know that pursuing a vegan lifestyle can help save the animals.

I keep telling myself what I know,

but what do I believe?

what do I feel?

I believe there is a balance between it all,

present in the middle of both extremes.

I feel that there is nothing wrong with harvesting locally and ethically raised eggs.

I believe that at certain times in life consuming animal products might be necessary.

I believe that I have gotten lost in a label,

so much so that I have lost a part of myself.

the part that seeks freedom and oneness with my body.

I believe that there is a deep connection present when one expresses gratitude for the animal products they choose to consume.

I believe a plant-based lifestyle is still possible while consuming animal products.

I believe that there are some benefits to consuming animal products.

I feel that people should respect one another and not judge them based on what they choose to consume.

I believe that some people in the vegan community aren't as compassionate as they say they are.

I believe that sometimes one can be so invested in the vegan message that they forget to show compassion and respect to their own species.

I believe that we were never meant to live through a label.

I feel like I'm not thriving,

but slowly dying.

I feel that I need to take a leap of faith.

I believe that I will be enough no matter what,

and I won't know unless I try.

I feel that veganism isn't always for everyone,

even though I wish it could be.

I believe that before anything, your mental and physical well-being must come first.

I know that many people will disagree with me.

I know that feelings of guilt, shame, and fear will arise.

I know,

but I choose to shine my light towards what I believe and what I feel.

Peace is not found in material facts and perceptions,

but amongst the intuitive vibrations existent within my soul.

no one else can understand its guiding light but me.

it's okay to let go child,

you will be okay.

-

I have been living a vegan lifestyle for the past year and a half now, and I am so grateful for what it has given me. It has brought me into alignment with the Earth and has helped me see the oneness and fluidity that is present amongst all living and breathing beings on this planet. But up until recently, I realized how distant I had become with myself. I no longer lived for myself, but for the sake of being identified as a "vegan."

It was then that I discovered one of the missing puzzle pieces to my recovery: the idea of not being enough. I have had to come to terms with the fact that a part of me still pursued veganism so rigidly because I believed by eating the "healthiest" and doing what was "right," I would be praised and validated as enough. In reality, I was just hiding from myslef, locking my voice in a box. There was no need to listen to what I thought because all I had to do was listen to what was being echoed through posts I read on social media and facts I had absorbed in documentaries and books.

Now I am not dowplaying veganism in any way. I still firmly believe that it is one of the most healthy lifestyles one can follow for optimum health and performance. The widespread of vegan alternatives is expanding and it makes it so much more convenient and possible to be 100% plant-based; however, I also believe that it is not always for everyone and that at certain points in time, the incorporation of animal products might be necessary.

I noticed on my vegan journey the hardship that came with viewing and upholding relationships with other people who were not vegan. I have since then become tired of judging others and convincing them that their way of eating is wrong. I don't want to remember someone because of what they chose to consume. I want to remember someone for their hobbies, their deepest fears, and their own divine beliefs on the ways of the universe.

After realizing all of this, I have decided to take a break from labels; to take a break from being so rigid with myself and letting my soul roam free, and express compassion rather than judgement towards what she craves in the moment. Yes, there's days where I'll eat 100% plant-based, but on occassion, I don't want to be scared to consume something with eggs, or a trace of milk. I have to remind myself that many people that are successful with sticking to a vegan lifestyle never struggled with an eating disorder, and never had that negative relationship with food. They never used food as a determining factor towards their own self worth.

I am not saying I won't return to eating an 100% plant-based diet either, but what I am saying, is that just as the environment goes through seasons, so do we, as souls. Winter is where our limitations and negative perception whither and die as the light and intentions for the future are planted. As 2018 comes to a close, I am letting die the limiting belief that I am not enough as I am, the idea that I need to identify with a cause or a label in order to be noticed or heard. Instead, I am planting the seed that I am enough just as I am in this moment and I don't need to uphold a standard or a motto in order to be make a difference. I have the power within this vessel to speak my truth and be heard. I always have.

So do you.

If you take anything away from this (that is if you read it all; If you did you are truly amazing! <3 ) I hope it brings you to reflect on your own life. To observe and decide whether or not you are, in this moment, living through your own passions and desires, or one already existent through somone else or some other driving force. I want you to know that it is okay to shed that skin, to let it whither and fade. because what comes after is all on you. You have the power to plant the seed of what you want to manifest into your future. Don't let a label take that away from you. Use your voice. You are infinite.